The steroids Saraki and Co. need to perform

What many Nigerians are neophytes in the art of law making is evident in the way they have descended on our law- makers in the National Assembly in their desire to get immunity and pension for their principal officers. Definitely, those conversant with the arduous nature of their legislative functions would not think twice before endorsing the proposal. This is a thing that even ‘floor’ members of the House and the Senate should enjoy. We should therefore be grateful to them for putting our purse into consideration by saying that only their principal leaders, that is senate president Bukola Saraki, Yakubu Dogara, speaker, House of Representatives, and their deputies should be entitled to both privileges.

Imagine the problem the current senate president is going through. If he had immunity, would he have been subjected to such ordeals? How do we want him to concentrate on his job with the criminal charge hanging on his neck like a necklace of stone? Now, we are complaining about the numerous challenges affecting Nigerians; even the lawmakers themselves are worried about all these issues that could have been ameliorated by legislations that Dr Saraki and Dogara would have brought to bear. But how does the man who is supposed to lead efforts to make laws to ease our burden stay focused when he is being bombarded with litigations bordering on his integrity?

First, his accusers said he did not fully declare his assets. People think everyone is as poor as church rats; otherwise, they would not expect a man like Saraki to fill in the form all that he is worth. I want to believe that such form could not even have had enough space to accommodate all that Dr Saraki owns. And as someone who does not suffer fools gladly, one of Saraki's lawyers has replied such people that his client was richer than Kwara State, his state of origin, ever before he became governor. In other words, he has remained a man of means and not a man of straw for the better part of his life. In spite of this illumination on Saraki's worth, many are still wondering about where he got the money from. Do you ask a housewife how she got pregnant?

Ordinarily, the reply that Saraki was born with silver spoon in his mouth should settle the matter, but no; his political detractors insist he must be docked. So, they dusted the book of iniquities and slammed the embattled senate president with alleged forgery of senate rules which his colleagues feel is a ‘family affair’ that should have been an internal matter of the senators and among like minds if it ever occurred. Were Nigerians happy to see their Number Three Citizen in the dock at the Code of Conduct Tribunal looking like a trapped rat in the cubicle? I guess, no. Now, if those criticising the National Assembly for wanting immunity for their leaders were in the shoes of the lawmakers, what would they have done? Would they have folded their arms and allowed such ‘coup’ by Saraki’s enemies to succeed, thereby encroaching on the powers of the hallowed legislature? And, in case that happens, who is the ultimate loser? Is it not the average Nigerian? In a country like ours where political detractors are prowling like wounded lions and looking for what to devour, we should expect that our lawmakers to rise in defence of their own who is immensely popular among them, even if disliked by many Nigerians.

Now, if I may ask, what is the problem with immunity and pension for Saraki and the others? I guess many Nigerians are unhappy with the proposal simply because Dr Saraki is involved. What does he need the money for? This is primitive accumulation, they say. But, this is something some people who entered public office in bathroom slippers and many more that got their first pair of shoes from the dunghill had enjoyed a long time ago and are still enjoying. Why then should we deny someone who has been used to taking Irish Cream right from the womb such a privilege? As we speak, Governor Ayodele Fayose of Ekiti State who has positioned himself as the erstwhile ruling party's enfant terrible is enjoying immunity; otherwise, he would have 'seen himself' as we say in my place. For our National Assembly members to be asking for it only now shows how considerate they can be. Could there have been a better way to show patriotism?

And, rather than show gratitude by quickly saying 'aye' to the proposals and even make it take retroactive effect, (I guess President Muhammadu Buhari would like that!) in view of its coming this late, we began to criticise the well-thought-out ideas. Now, many of our senators are angry and they are spoiling for war with the presidency. What do we stand to gain from this? These are people who have been magnanimous enough to ask for immunity and pension for their leaders only, whereas these are privileges that all members of the National Assembly ordinarily should enjoy if our legislators were as unserious, primitively greedy and insensitive as many of us think they are. We should imagine the immense benefits this country has got from the 8th National Assembly in spite of all the troubles their leader has gone through in the last one year, especially with the executive arm that does not want to accept the coordinate nature of the three arms of government. We should think of the many laws they have made for good governance in the country; their labour of love and all. What else can a people desire form their elected representatives?

The way things are going, many of these senators may begin to think of turning in their resignation letters, which one should expect when people who expected to be appreciated are deprecated.

But I plead with the lawmakers who may be contemplating this unusual move, in the interest of their constituencies on whose behalf they rake in billions every year, to take it easy. I know they have endured a lot of humiliation; they have been called all sorts of names, but they should understand. Like short people who do not appreciate God in their lives, many Nigerians do not know how lucky and blessed the country is to have some of the people we have in our National Assembly today – the distinguished senators and honourables. We want to throw away a talented Nigerian just because he (allegedly) forged rules to clinch a plum position in the National Assembly. We are also calling another member of the assembly who has been accused of living big on depositors’ funds, and probably funding his business empire with the ill-gotten wealth (did I say ill-gotten wealth? sorry, I am already being unfairly judgmental like many ignoramuses out there) all kinds of names. These are people we should assemble in a place to serve as think tank for the Federal Government. Let's even assume the one accused of forgery actually committed the crime, is forgery that easy? It requires some ingenuity. Not to talk of continuing to reap the fruits of the alleged crime one year after. That, if you ask me, is no mean task.

Then the one accused of 'bigmanism' at the expense of depositors, and his ilk to follow in the next few days, or weeks; we also need their brains because it is not easy to do such a thing and get away with it for so long. I ndeed, I am beginning to see the sense in the observation by people who say the Buhari presidency does not have an economic team. As a matter of fact, the government is not deficient in economic team alone; it is also in acute shortage of teams in other vital sectors of governance. And the reason is simple: the government is sleeping and backing where it should be facing. The very National Assembly that President Buhari should turn to for evil geniuses (sorry, geniuses) to form the teams he needs to turn things around is where he is staging a 'coup', with a view to throwing out those that should form the fulcrum of his cabinet. A government that is fighting corruption needs the brains of people who know how to play all the legal, academic, and economic gymnastics to delay corruption trials. If you like, you can begin to insinuate that it was because these people do not want to be interrogated for the crimes they (allegedly) committed that they are looking for immunity; that is your business. Nigerians are adroit at insinuating. So, the government does not have to listen to them in this matter. Lest I forget, may I humbly nominate Governor Fayose to be co-opted into the think tank, after all, he enjoys immunity already.

However, in making the best use of these people for national development, the Federal Government must first confirm that they actually possess the capacity to commit the crimes they allegedly committed before considering them as replacements for the people presently manning some of the important ministries; that is probably the cutting edge that they have over some of the present cabinet members.

And in case President Buhari is still not persuaded that he should consider Saraki and Co. for cabinet positions; he should at least leave them in the National Assembly, facilitate granting of immunity and pension to them, to enable them continue the good works they are doing. They should be allowed to bring to bear their wealth of experience and knowledge in the service of the Fatherland. They need immunity so they won’t be distracted by unnecessary litigations, like the ones Dr Saraki is facing. Moreover, if we do not give them immunity, they too would not avail the nation the secrets of impunity, which we sorely need to deal with corruption at this point in time.

Then the pension: how else do you compensate people who have gone through such thick and thin for the sake of law-making but by handsomely rewarding them hereafter?